The various Ways are stated here!
Following Busola Dakolo’s reports that Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA raped her twice in her teenage years, the issue has been in our consciousness. While rape, consent and sexual violence has been on our lips for a bit, it is now at a frenzied level.
Rape is anti-social. It is criminal [Credit - Daily Monitor]
So in this light, this is what it means to be a rapist:
1. Sleep with someone who said they don’t want to have sex with you
If someone says no to your sexual advances, that is exactly what it means – NO!
It does not mean try harder or try to make me have sex with you. When it comes to sex, don’t try to read between the lines, if consent is not granted or even if it is ‘jokingly’ removed, you need to remove yourself from that situation, too, not try to rationalise it.
2. Slept with an underage person
Depending on where you are in the world, the age of consent could vary by law. But whatever that age is, sleeping with someone younger than it is rape. If you are of age, a mature, legal adult, you cannot have sex with someone underage. Even if they grant consent, it is invalid. If you sleep with them, that is statutory rape and you are a rapist.
End rap. Practice consensual sex [Credit - Desibilitz]
3. Have sex with a drunk person
If they are drunk or too high to think normally, do not initiate sex with them in that state. If you do, and carry out the act, you are a rapist. A drunk, inebriated person cannot grant consent so do not take their word for it. Wait for them to get in their senses.
It does not matter that they had been heavily flirting with you before they got drunk.
4. Having sex with someone told you to stop midway through the act
Once someone says stop, that is where consent stops. Consent for one thing is not consent for all things.
Being indecently dressed is not an invitation for sexual assault [Credit - PSU Vanguard]
5. Having sex with someone who was afraid to say no
If you have sex with someone through a threat to their wellbeing or the wellbeing of those they care about, it is rape. Being afraid to say no is not valid acquiescence.
When someone fears for their economic, physical and other forms of wellbeing and you prey on that to have sex on them without their consent, it is rape.
6. Having sex with someone as punishment for wearing revealing outfits
Even when someone is naked and they do not want you to touch them or grope them, leave them alone. Being half dressed is nothing without consent. Sex is voluntary even if the person in question is a sex worker.
Rape is anti-social. It is criminal [Credit - Daily Monitor]
Other important things to know in this consent conversation:
Being in a relationship is not consent. Having sex with you before is not everlasting consent, you could do it today and they would never want it tomorrow, or even in the next few hours. Following you to your house, your bedroom or even sleeping in your bed naked is not consent if they say they do not want.
It’s crazy, yes, but it is what it is. If we are going to ever become used to consensual sex, the confirmation of the other person has to mean so much to each and every one of us.